Le Bien Qui Fait Mal
by KamiRoku213
Summary: "I can barely see anything. I'm not sure where I am, or how I got here. I'm not really sure of anything. Except the colour red." Has not yet earned its M rating, but will. My attempt to get out of a many month long funk, and abolish writer's block.
1. Prologue

Everything is foggy and blurry. It is probably from the tears in my eyes, or the pounding in my head. Unfortunately, it means I can barely see anything. I'm not sure where I am, or how I got here. I'm not really sure of anything.

Except the colour red.

I'm not the smartest person in the world, but it's a shade of red that no one could mistake.

The colour of blood.

It was everywhere, and with that amount, it couldn't mean anything good.

And it definitely didn't match their outfits.

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><p><em>Okay...this is extremely short, but I swear the chapters will be much longer in the future. If you happen to read any of my other stories, then you'll probably have a pretty good idea of chapter length. Also, for people who do read my other stories, I know I should be working on them, and I am, but I've been in a deep funk that has literally taken me months to get out of. This is my attempt to get out of it, so be patient with me, and I hope everyone enjoys this once it gets going. <em>

_Trust me as well when I say that this fic will definitely earn its M rating, even if it doesn't now.  
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_Also, the first reviewer to figure out who is speaking right now gets a sneak preview of what's to come. Hint: It's probably not who you'd first expect._


	2. When You Love

_Omg two updates in as many days? I think this is a record for me. Sure they're for different stories, but I haven't published anything in months...this is good. _

_So welcome to chapter one of my story Le Bien Qui Fait Mal. For the French-challenged people out there, it means "The good thing that hurts" I do believe...it's also a song by Mozart L'Opera Rock and it's really good...even if it is all in french and have no idea what most of it is saying (Go french teachers at my school! You taught me nothing.). also, the chapter titles will be english translations of the lyrics. Hopefully I can get them right.  
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_If this story could have a third character, it would be Santana. You'll eventually find out why._

_No one reviewed the last chapter, the prologue, and that kinda sucked but it was short and didn't specify characters at the time...hopefully this will get a better response._

_Warnings: Bad language, and cheesy, lovey-dovey fluff.  
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><p><em>"Oh my God! Are you okay?"<em>

_I didn't know who this man was, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to trust him. Especially after what had just happened._

_I tried to tell him that no, I was not okay, but instead, everything that had happened finally hit me and I started crying. He just held my hand for a second before moving away to call someone, and he went to do something else too. I just didn't know what. I was too busy thinking about the last…actually, I didn't know how long we'd been here. But it was probably the worst part of my life ever._

_I could still see all the blood through my tears._

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><p><em>3 Days Earlier…<em>

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><p>I would never tire of this feeling. Blaine's lips against mine, the light brush of air across them during his whispered 'I love you's. I heard myself whimper when he pulled away. I felt the heat rising in my cheeks as well, but couldn't bring myself to care. I wanted to make out some more with my gorgeous boyfriend.<p>

He laughed, "I know, I want to keep this up as much as you do, but you know I have to go." And he was right. As usual. I knew he had to make his way back to his house so that he could pick up his things and head off to Six Flags again. I was glad he was getting to put his talents to good use, but I was starting to hate that place with a passion that could only be described as burning. Thanks to his part time job at the park, I didn't get to see him as much as I'd like.

I set aside my woes though and agreed with him, momentarily at least, "I know you do. Doesn't mean I can't be annoyed though. It gives me time to work on my musical, but I'd much rather being doing this." I pulled him into another kiss. He gave in to his teenage hormones for a few more moments before breaking contact once more.

"I'll be home on the weekend, and then we can have as much fun as we want. And from what you've told me, we'll be completely alone, am I correct?" He said, his voice slightly deeper than usual. I smiled at the thought and confirmed his assumption.

"Yep. We'll be here by ourselves. Finn will be at Rachel's over the weekend, because as I told you before, my parents are taking advantage of the wondrous weather and taking a much needed vacation."

My dad and Carole had been saving since the wedding for this. Due to my transfer to Dalton, it had been getting to be extremely difficult, but they had finally achieved the amount required to go on their prolonged honeymoon. With them out of the house, Finn and I were free to do whatever we pleased, as long as we got no one pregnant (Finn), we didn't destroy the house (Finn), it wasn't illegal (Finn and Puck), and it wouldn't cause serious bodily harm. I was ecstatic at the chance to spend some quality time with Blaine that didn't involve being scared to do anything because of my father being down the stairs and Finn down the hall.

"It's still going to be a while before I see you again though." I pouted.

"You'll be fine, it's only going to be a few days. Your parents are leaving Thursday morning right?" I confirmed with a nod, "Okay and I will be here Friday night after the last show." He smiled.

I sighed before smirking, "I guess I can wait that long."

"Don't worry, I'll miss you just as much." He gave me a swift kiss before getting up off of the couch (and me) and making his way towards the front door, "I love you."

"I love you too, Blaine," I said back, then sighed as I heard him close the door behind him.

_"How could I have gotten so lucky?," _I thought while smiling.

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><p><em>"Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale,"<em> I thought to myself. I just had to focus on my breathing.

"You okay San?" I smiled.

"Yeah Britt, I'm okay." I told her after a minute, while simultaneously splashing her lightly. She giggled and splashed me back.

How was my summer? Well, I was messing around in a pool with the girl I loved, the two of us having competitions to see who could hold our breath underwater the longest. When I had stayed under too long and was having trouble catching my breath after breaching the surface, the first thing she asked me had been whether or not I was okay. So, I think I was doing pretty good so far. It was nice to pull down the bitchy façade and just be myself for once.

Summer and Brittany, they were my escape.

I was glad to have them both, even if it was only for a little while.

"So, what do you want to do today Santana?" she asked me once we got bored of splashing one another.

I thought about it for a moment, before responding, "How 'bout you and me take a trip to the mall? We need something hot to wear to that party this weekend."

She looked hesitant at first, probably because she didn't really want to go to the party. I wanted to go because it was going to be the hottest party of the summer. Booze, hot girls, a giant pool and hot tub, and Brittany, would make for an amazing time. If you took Brittany out of the equation it would still be fun, but I'd love to have her with me. So I wanted her there this weekend and I hoped she'd agree to join me. I was relieved when she spoke again.

"Sure San. If we're going we have to look awesome right? I have to get something to help Lord Tubbington quit smoking anyway."

I almost snorted at the pure idiocy of the statement, but this was Brittany. She was so innocent (excluding sexually) and thought of everything in such a different way than everyone else. Most people interpreted it as her being simple minded, having a mental disability, or being just plain stupid. I just smiled.

"We'll see what we can find."

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><p><em>'Are you busy Kurt?'<em>

I looked up from my sheet music when I felt my phone vibrate against my thigh, and pulled it out of my pocket to see the text from Rachel. I frowned for a second before typing my response.

_'Why? And aren't you supposed to be with Finn right now?'_

I didn't have to wait long for the answer, even though it was a long one.

_'Well he left to go play basketball or something with Puck. We both thought you needed to get out of the house considering that you haven't left it in a while. And I know Blaine just left not too long ago so you can't use him as an excuse. Oh and your musical can wait as well.'_

I sighed and dialed Rachel's number.

_"Kurt! So what do you think?"_

"Well, what did you have in mind Rachel?"

_"Mercedes and I were planning on going to the mall, or maybe the pool."_

"I don't really feel like swimming Rachel, although going shopping would be exciting. But only if I can pick out a few summer outfits for you. You really need the help, trust me."

I could practically hear the frown in her response, _"My style's not that bad Kurt, but if it will get you out of the house then yes, you can help with my summer wardrobe."_

_"Yes!"_ I thought. She had been fighting with me for the past month of summer over whether or not I could help pick out something that didn't make her look like she was a colour-blind midget with no fashion sense. I was very pleased with my long-awaited victory.

"Sounds great. I'll meet you two there, in say…half an hour?"

_"Okay! That works out well. Oh, and Kurt?"_

"Yeah?"

_"Please don't pick anything too outlandish."_

"I'll do my best."

We decided on a meeting place after that, before exchanging goodbyes and hanging up. Then I got thinking. I had never met either of Rachel's fathers, but if they happened to be as stereotypical as I appeared to be on most occasions, I had no idea how two gay men managed to raise such a fashion-challenged child.

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><p>"What about this one Britt?" I asked her, holding up a cute jean skirt that would help accentuate my curves.<p>

"I like it," She told me while smiling, "But I think we can do better." I looked at it again, and had to agree with her. I sighed while putting it back on the rack, before phrasing my question.

"Brittany?" She looked up from the halter top she was looking at, "Why don't you want to go to the party?"

She frowned, seemingly confused, "Why do you think I don't want to go?"

"Well when I brought it up, you really didn't look like you wanted to go. So, once again, why don't you want to go with me?"

"Santana, I do want to go. Why won't you believe me?" She was lying, I knew she was. Every other party that we went to, she was always as excited as I was. This time, she was hardly there. Like, even less than she usually was. I gave up though, not wanting to fight with her. I had just managed to patch up our relationship/friendship before summer began, and I didn't want to ruin it again.

I was about to respond when I heard her yell and wave to someone.

Oh look, Aretha, Kurt and the hobbit.

"Oh hey Santana, Brittany," Kurt said, nodding to each of us in turn, "What have you girls been up to this summer?"

"We were swimming, but now we're getting something for Lord Tubbington."

"Oh?" Rachel questioned, "is he sick?"

"No, he needs to quit smoking." She replied very seriously.

The midget stared at her incredulously for a moment before wishing her luck.

"What's in the bags?" Brittany asked after that.

Kurt looked down at said bags before responding, "Rachel's improved summer wardrobe."

"It's a good thing she has you around isn't it?"

"Indeed it is."

"If you weren't I think Yentl over there would get arrested by the fashion police, which I do believe you and possibly that hobbit of yours are a part of."

"Why would my dolphins arrest Rachel? I don't want Rachel to get arrested Santana, even if she does dress like a five year old-"

"Hey!"

"-because she's part of the New Directions and we're a family. Families don't arrest each other."

I couldn't help but smile at that, at her- she was amazing and even when she didn't make much sense, her wisdom shone through. I looked back at the group and saw Kurt staring at me, hopefully not making any correct speculations. I wasn't ready to tell anyone yet- I saw the way Kurt got treated, and after that damn stunt they pulled at prom, I wasn't coming out anytime soon.

Then he smiled.

Shit.

I have awesome gaydar- as most gays do- and if his was half as good as mine (excluding the Sam incident because I think we all thought he was gay. The dude dyed his hair.), then I was fucked right then and there.

"Well, I think we should be going. After all Brittany and I need to pay for our stuff-"

"But we just started looking and we haven't picked anything out yet."

_"Damn it Brittany!" _I thought.

"Well what kind of clothes are you looking for? We – and by that I mean Mercedes and I – could help you."

There goes that escape plan.

"Fine," the fake smile on my face actually kind of hurt.

Once the hobbit and Wheezy went off with Brittany, Kurt made his move.

"How long?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"You're not that stupid Santana- I know you know what I'm talking about."

"I'm not sure. I think I realized it though a couple of weeks before regionals."

Kurt sighed, "Have you told her?"

I nodded, "She turned me down for Stubbles McCripplepants."

Kurt winced, "What about now?"

"I can't"

"It's nothing to be ashamed of."

I could feel tears welling up, but I couldn't cry; I just couldn't. I looked around and saw no one nearby, and the others were on the opposite side of the store. Then it all unraveled inside of me and I came down with a case of word vomit.

"I'm not ashamed, Kurt. I just don't know what to do. I was ready to give it all up – the popularity, the boys, the cheating, the sleeping around, my entire reputation that I had built up since middle school – just for her. I was going to do it and she turned me down, which shot my confidence all to hell. Then I tried to win her over by becoming prom royalty, but I pissed her off by dating Dave. After that was that damn Fondue for Two incident, and everyone was making comments and asking me about it, and I was too scared to confirm what they already knew. Oh but my favourite part would have to be prom when they voted you the queen of the fucking junior prom just to humiliate you-"

Kurt looked away and bit his lip at that remark. I knew I had upset him but I kept going anyway.

"-and I didn't want to see what they would come up with for me. I know Britt won't settle for a secret relationship because she's told me so. If I want her, I have to give her everything, but I can't yet- I'm not ready."

I was amazed at the fact that I hadn't started crying yet, even though I was close. Kurt wasn't even the one speaking, but he looked to be in a similar state.

He sniffed, "Well, hopefully someday you will be. And I know that she'll be ready and waiting for you. I know when two people are right for each other Santana, and you two…"

He trailed off briefly, smiling softly to himself, "You're perfect."

I just smiled at him.

Maybe he wasn't so bad after all.

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><p><em>And there you have it! The first chapter! Let me know what you guys thought and review! It only takes a second, so please? It might make me write faster! (Okay maybe not...but it will encourage me to try!)<br>_


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